i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
