I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
