omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
