One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
