I like to think it a success when the cops are called
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
