my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
