Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
