you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
