i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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