I'm jealous of your bromance
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
