im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He better not be in your backpack
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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