Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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