he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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