So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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