so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
