Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
