we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
