i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
