Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
