he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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