Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A bitchslap is in order.
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