I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize