Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
