i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
