Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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