you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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