I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
