you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
