also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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