Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
