im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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