We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
