I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
