also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
