Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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