Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
