He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
