every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
