i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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