im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize