its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
