i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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