The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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