Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you never un-have a 4some
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
