the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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