You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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