The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
