it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
