so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
