I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
