we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
