It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
