yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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