Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
