I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
