If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
