My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
