Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You may now shotgun with the bride
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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