i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
