maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
