I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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