we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
