His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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