if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
These tits shall not be calmed
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