She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
