if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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