... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
