I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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