I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize