Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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